Live more, post less has been my mantra for the past couple months, but I read something the other morning that really got me thinking, and while in Florida it started working it’s way from my mind, to my heart, and now to the tips of my fingertips. I can’t help but think it was just what I needed to end the silence over here on my blog. So from my heart to your screen:
I want to write.
I want to write about what I am learning from God. About accepting that my moment of saving happened during a period in my life of unforgivable sin. About how He is showing me that there is freedom in forgiveness, of others, and of myself. About how he is refining me, and redefining me every single day. About how I still have moments where I can’t grasp how much He loves me, and then I remember where I was, and look at where I am now and I’m certain that His love is unconditional, unfailing, and unearned.
I want to write about the real. About how my behind the scenes doesn’t always measure up to this worlds standards. About how my cycle of chores never feels complete, and my duties as a wife, and mother oftentimes feel sub par. About how I allow comparisons to steal my joy more often than I would ever admit. About how compromise, and forgiveness, and a fight to love without keeping score is what holds this family together.
I want to write the hard. About how my pillow has seen more tears in the past year than anyone would ever know. About my journey and my struggles through infertility. About how anxiety and depression used to hold me hostage, and still come knocking, despite the no trespassing sign on my heart. About my fears that at times feel paralyzing, and all consuming.
I want to write about love. About the choice we make every day to be in love, and to stay in love. About date nights that take us back to day one. About our fight for a strong marriage, not a perfect one. About the arguments that lead to growth, and about the ones that don’t. About the lessons we’ve learned, and are learning. About the seasons that can sometimes seem cold and difficult, but how, despite it all, the fire we started all those years ago continues to burn brighter and stronger.
I want to write about the struggle to live in-between. Between work, between home, and between all the things that get in the way of both. About how the desire to post my life instead of live my life often leads to missing the moment. About the tug-o-war I face with wanting the healing, the saving, and the giving more than I want the Healer, the Savior, and the Giver himself.
I want to write the simple. About the song lyrics that become soundtracks to my life. About the books that are keeping me awake at night. About the copycat Pioneer Woman Recipes that convince my family I actually know how to cook. About the munchkin and mom dates that remind me why God called me to be a mom. About the ever growing reasons why I love being married to a farmer, and living this life as an accidental country girl. About things I’m currently loving, and moments my camera loved capturing. About memories that I never want to forget.
I want to write. For me, from the heart. For Him, with confident faith. For my daughter, to teach her to never let the sun set on her dreams.